Q: Hey, I want to contribute! Do you need writing help?

A: Ah, if I had a sheckel for every time a supportive reader has offered to lend assistance to my little endeavor, I would have the largest cabana in my clearing. Not that such offers are unappreciated, of course. But simply put, mocking the advertising establishment is not exactly the literary equivalent of heavy lifting, and at the moment, I and my impoverished staff have matters well under control (or some semblance thereof.) Thank you for your kind offers, nevertheless.

Q: Have you thought about adding a message board? Or how about a chat room?
A: As it stands now, the highly trained orangutans who are entrusted with handling the intricate wiring behind this modest enterprise can barely manage to post full color pictures, so creating a mechanism by which readers could rant like over-caffeinated cockatoos or hold conversations with strangers under the pretext of being naive 16-year olds with an interest in sexual deviancy is, at the moment, simply out of the question. Instead, may I suggest one of the numerous perversion-laced chat rooms on America Online, "PREG BiFs 4 K9s" being a particular favorite.

Q: Can I suggest someone to make fun of, like my old agency or the guy who fired me? They suck.
A: While I admit to harboring a decent amount of bile and vindictiveness at the industry at large, I must draw the line at unwarranted personal vendettas, particularly if they are not my own. Perhaps those with matters still unsettled should consider a more conventional means of righting past wrongs, such as shaving your head, donning camouflage fatigues and appearing in the lobby of your former employer equipped with enough firepower to make Charlton Heston teary-eyed with pride. What such a message lacks in wit it makes up for in sheer clarity of purpose.

Q: Why do you have such a vendetta against Crispin / Chiat / Y&R / Deutsch / Grey / Thompson / (insert name of agency here)?
A: Sigh. Contrary to the tunnel-vision of some otherwise appreciative readers, I can assure you my "vendetta," if you will, is not aimed at any one agency in particular, but rather, this riduculous industry in its entirety. In truth, I see no agencies, only bad advertising, misplaced egotism and raging self-absorption. The fact that some see themselves in every story and/or review I put forth only reaffirms this view.

Q: Do you only critique well-known, big-budget campaigns, or will you ever comment on smaller regional campaigns as well?
A: As past examples have hopefully proven by now, my critiques are as wide ranging as my viewing habits allow. I'll critique anything that I find worthy of criticism and mockery. Other than that, I have no real criteria at all, though I try not to pick on the defenseless. After all, it would really be a waste of venom to spend it detailing just how poorly shot or unoriginal a Cracklin' Oat Bran or Dial soap ad truly is. (Besides, that's Bob Garfield's and Mark Doliver's job, anyway.)

When sober, the Editor derives a perverse pleasure in answering your queries as best as he is able. He can be emailed at: Questions (at) adweak.com. He may also be reached on occasion via iChat/AIM as TheAdweakEditor.